Experiences
2015-- Summer
Seattle:
San Ramon:
Last Devi Bhava (2nd one):
Amma said this haircut (recently cut by Sals) looks better. She said you still look handsome. I had thought Amma said this looks better than the other one, meaning the other person, aka dheepu, but Amma firmly said your other hair cut. Then I said I want to swim in the prema sagara. Amma said prema sagara, you want to be a part of it, she said it is all around you, but you look this way and that way, and don't see. I was little confused/annoyed, Amma gave me this look.
Previously, I brought the cashews (raw) to Amma seasoned, but Amma said after much reluctnance it was little salty. Then she said to feed her one by one. Gita said do it freely. Amma had this awkward look like what am I doing, on more of a purposeful way, then She said its like she is the baby and I am the mother. Then after sometime Amma said, thats enough . She said you will finish me or something of the sort.
When I went to talk to Amma, then Amma asked me where is he, your brother, I said oh, he is sitting up there. I told Amma I do not think the girl he is with has an aishwaryam, but then Amma said about how she had this devotee in New York, she had wanted to marry an Amma devotee but ended up with some devotee of that breathing saint guy, ram something. Amma seemed perturbed by this as she repeated it several times throughout the conversation. I told Amma, ideally one should marry someone who grew up in Amma and such, Amma said yes , then dheepu came. I told Amma, oh he may get angry if you repeat my opinions. Amma told dheepu, oh he is making lies about you. Amma told me, you have to be able to get the girl. Amma said here people also have to mentally make up their minds when they decide or choose to get married. Amma said I have brought some here. She told me India is different, you guys have more samskara then them, as they eat where ever, movies, etc.. Amma told me you don't know India has become worse. Then I said don't you have your pearls, Amma said of course.
When I left, I told Amma I got a haircut and then Amma said oh thats the change. She said it looks good, and rubbed my head, as I bent way down in this like way as she said good. When I was in Seattle, amma during devi bhava asked me why I was in a bad mood, are you depressed, and then I said i need this swarupam, and Amma squeezed my cheeks and flattened my face like a pancake in between her hands. I almost felt like I entered samadhi at that point. This type of experience happened once or twice. I literally felt like I was being carried away. It was such an intense feeling, and then gradually faded away. I could not express that after sometime, it went away. I hope to get that again. When Amma asked me if i did not want to marry. I said i see a difference between lust and love. And lust is not fully controllable, but for me all the love, I received through Amma. I did not get the chance to live with the Guru in this life, guru girih vasu, but I want to reach her, by thinking of her, and that this life should be lived like so. Amma repeated to dheepu, though I doubt he understood, he said oh he speaks well, then Amma said aren't you the lawyer. Dheepu said oh the girls in India may not work out, Amma said you speak from your experience, like reading one book in the library, but can you judge all the other books.
In Amma's satsang she stressed, that one is born in love, lives in love , and dies in love.
Amma also told me as I fed her, you are doing these things, but you had better control your habits. Amma had told dheepu he has somehow gotten this habit, how someone so close to Amma could have it. Amma said I have mild psychosis like daddy, nothing major , but still. Then I researched and found that MMJ can have a bad sustained effect on people who are regular habitual smokers. So I have decided it is best to quit as it may intensify my psychosis to unmanageble degree. She had said it is very small, but still.
She also told me not to lose this job. I had told Amma I do not wish to work for 10 15 years in this world, as one looses all the beauty of spirtiuality. Amma looked at me with a strong look. She said dont throw away this job. She said work, and then after few years we will see how fit your mind is.
When one day I was leaving, she asked me where I was going. I said work then dheepu was with me. I said I have to work, he doesnt or something (he took 2 weeks vacay, but still worked remotely), Amma gave dheepu this beaming look. Amma had told madhu, I told you guys you can come any time to ask me, not wait like these people. Amma was talking about how dheepu comes here, next to Amma, and Amma opens the way, but still does not come to speak.
How grand and subtle are her effects and notices. Indeed as long as the mind continues with great intensity toward Bhagvan, the guru will guide you. You have to work on retaining purity and doing sadhana, the Guru will literally fill the rest of your needs. An active and busy life is a requirement. Lazyiness indulges poor habits that are not aligned with spirtiual practice.
Feral City
2 years ago
