San Ramon Retreat & Bhava Darshan
This time around, perhaps due to the scheduling and luck of it; the programs were not hugely crowded. Although, it tends to be at times - near Amma, still there was plenty of opportunity. The retreat- Q &A and Amma's bhajan at the end of it- are the highlights. Amma sang Baandhalo, again and had us do the hand gestures with our neighbor. So many glances I stole from Her, the answers were particularly beautiful. I must get them from Meera-Amme. The satsang on Bhava Darshan day was nice too. So many things unravel in the heart. So much clarity after a lifetime of effort. The Master said effort is important and the dawning results come only much, much later. I feel it to be true. So many years I have felt lost doing my sadhana, and now like the brilliant rays , my heart can see small lights shining through- in an instant some things become lucid to me; and a bhajan easily renditions in my mind. How much more , is there to come, how many hurdles I have passed through. Who but the sadhak, can understand the heart of another ?
I realized all my efforts along the path, all mediations; japa, prayer, - all of it helped me to flow and become what I am today; and continue to set seed for the later. I feel the great hand of destiny moving through me slowly. How miraculous is the mantra. The rarest gift from the Satguru is the mantra. Scriptural reading has no point without a basis . Like She said , a regular habit helps unfold tremendous power. At the center , the bindu is love, and from that we create a large tree capable of helping thousands. But, without building up, our selfless efforts will be in vain. Hundreds of lessons She has taught me, through the medium of silence, and intense longing, the sun of knowledge begans to dawn.
When I was in Seattle during the Baandhalo, at one point I felt such a heavy flow come out of me, and I almost could not keep attention on my hands and felt like closing my eyes; at that moment Amma looked over at me. How many hundreds of glances , I have received; everywhere I am. Now, it begins to dawn on me, the real nature of the Guru. It's like the diamond in the market story. I used to get sad that I had no other Sadhak to speak with about my experiences; that I was speaking to a bunch of dummies. Now I know how to come down what it is I have to say and word it with limited-ness. That is, not express it all and speak to the person on their level of understanding. I feel , as if I am on an esclator, slowly ascending. The wings of that great Garuda, carry me over the base desires; although some things don't change, you can gradually drop them as your ability widens and grows firm. When I see her marvelous purity and assurdeness, I feel - this is what it feels like to be in such a presence. What grandeur, I pray her steps never falter, nor her childrens innocent selfless motives to serve the world.
Someone remarked to me how when She leaves, their feeling gets decreased gradually, until it no longer stays fresh. I used to feel the same way, but now, though I may not feel Her nearly as much, I can feel the hot burning of that longing, that choking in the throat, at randomly spaced intervals - my mind shoots up, like a star longing to burst in the blue sky of her arms.
I am coming to LA. She asked me about it, so I said for one day- Saturday. I don't like driving at night, so forget Friday.
Feral City
2 years ago
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