We had mistakenly taken out Karthik's mums bag. (on a side note i need to research the possessive use- here- the apostrophe goes where his name or mums - or whose possession am i denoting?) Any who, Dheepu came by the embarcadero station to get it- I had taken it to work for the purpose of handing it off to him while en route to SFO (really not on the way , im more deep into the city by the financial district . Anyways Dheepu was talking about transitioning back into work; I could see the light in his eyes ( maybe the effect from coming from Bhava Darshan). She had apparently yelled at him for using the satsang stories. And fed him a Hershey kiss and asked him to sit by the side. I only consider him in the same group as me since She said so. Nobody else.
-- ABQ
Many nice experiences in ABQ. Malu's poem and the story of that is another epic in itself. I pray all a speedy journey into the arms of the Divine Mother. May all Her children, inanimate and not, receive the grace to recall the countless memories and journey with Her at their side.
Om Namah Shivaya

That was the last stop for me. I left before Devi Bhava, at around 4am from ABQ to Phoneix, back to SF. The weather is warm everywhere. ABQ was nearly 95 F and good lord for Arizona which is an oven. The retreat was quaint, very small, and serenely smooth. The Master seemed to take time with the darshan as it was not a huge crowd. I particularly like the Northwest part of the Tour. Though I rarely have done the East Coast. Everyday there is a new lesson. The Master emphasized having a practice. I have always believe so, though my peers never truly did I think. It is the cornerstone of the love which will guide you back. May we even shake death's grip with her Holy Name. Jai Ma!

The path of the ordinary and the spiritually thirsty; are inclined like two different slopes. One degrades without noticing, while the other climbs without notice. Both are alarmed at the speed, and the destination. What grace ! has fallen upon the firefly's of her Children. May they ever burn bright. As you go further, love will consume you, and a certain affection will reach out of your heart at every step. I have never had great visions, but I feel that now- the overflow - only to harness it , and climb higher. With each peak , comes a new vigor, and dawning to move forward, as there is much to go on this path, much to travel, much to see and experience. God makes creation a delightful play for the sadhak that earnestly surrenders to Her will. Rampage, health, beauty, death, and destruction are all in her , the incomprehensible one, the ever mysterious Mother of the world.

Dheepu will be traveling to NY for the program. I should have booked a ticket when I had the chance. These precious opportunities are like the rain season for the Chatak bird; your only time to drink and appease your thirst.

San Ramon Retreat & Bhava Darshan

This time around, perhaps due to the scheduling and luck of it; the programs were not hugely crowded. Although, it tends to be at times - near Amma, still there was plenty of opportunity. The retreat- Q &A and Amma's bhajan at the end of it- are the highlights. Amma sang Baandhalo, again and had us do the hand gestures with our neighbor. So many glances I stole from Her, the answers were particularly beautiful. I must get them from Meera-Amme. The satsang on Bhava Darshan day was nice too. So many things unravel in the heart. So much clarity after a lifetime of effort. The Master said effort is important and the dawning results come only much, much later. I feel it to be true. So many years I have felt lost doing my sadhana, and now like the brilliant rays , my heart can see small lights shining through- in an instant some things become lucid to me; and a bhajan easily renditions in my mind. How much more , is there to come, how many hurdles I have passed through. Who but the sadhak, can understand the heart of another ?

I realized all my efforts along the path, all mediations; japa, prayer, - all of it helped me to flow and become what I am today; and continue to set seed for the later. I feel the great hand of destiny moving through me slowly. How miraculous is the mantra. The rarest gift from the Satguru is the mantra. Scriptural reading has no point without a basis . Like She said , a regular habit helps unfold tremendous power. At the center , the bindu is love, and from that we create a large tree capable of helping thousands. But, without building up, our selfless efforts will be in vain. Hundreds of lessons She has taught me, through the medium of silence, and intense longing, the sun of knowledge begans to dawn.

When I was in Seattle during the Baandhalo, at one point I felt such a heavy flow come out of me, and I almost could not keep attention on my hands and felt like closing my eyes; at that moment Amma looked over at me. How many hundreds of glances , I have received; everywhere I am. Now, it begins to dawn on me, the real nature of the Guru. It's like the diamond in the market story. I used to get sad that I had no other Sadhak to speak with about my experiences; that I was speaking to a bunch of dummies. Now I know how to come down what it is I have to say and word it with limited-ness. That is, not express it all and speak to the person on their level of understanding. I feel , as if I am on an esclator, slowly ascending. The wings of that great Garuda, carry me over the base desires; although some things don't change, you can gradually drop them as your ability widens and grows firm. When I see her marvelous purity and assurdeness, I feel - this is what it feels like to be in such a presence. What grandeur, I pray her steps never falter, nor her childrens innocent selfless motives to serve the world.

Someone remarked to me how when She leaves, their feeling gets decreased gradually, until it no longer stays fresh. I used to feel the same way, but now, though I may not feel Her nearly as much, I can feel the hot burning of that longing, that choking in the throat, at randomly spaced intervals - my mind shoots up, like a star longing to burst in the blue sky of her arms.

I am coming to LA. She asked me about it, so I said for one day- Saturday. I don't like driving at night, so forget Friday.