Experiences
2015-- Summer

Seattle:



San Ramon:

Last Devi Bhava (2nd one):

Amma said this haircut (recently cut by Sals) looks better. She said you still look handsome. I had thought Amma said this looks better than the other one, meaning the other person, aka dheepu, but Amma firmly said your other hair cut. Then I said I want to swim in the prema sagara. Amma said prema sagara, you want to be a part of it, she said it is all around you, but you look this way and that way, and don't see. I was little confused/annoyed, Amma gave me this look. 

Previously, I brought the cashews (raw) to Amma seasoned, but Amma said after much reluctnance it was little salty. Then she said to feed her one by one. Gita said do it freely. Amma had this awkward look like what am I doing, on more of a purposeful way, then She said its like she is the baby and I am the mother. Then after sometime Amma said, thats enough . She said you will finish me or something of the sort. 

When I went to talk to Amma, then Amma asked me where is he, your brother, I said oh, he is sitting up there. I told Amma I do not think the girl he is with has an aishwaryam, but then Amma said about how she had this devotee in New York, she had wanted to marry an Amma devotee but ended up with some devotee of that breathing saint guy, ram something. Amma seemed perturbed by this as she repeated it several times throughout the conversation. I told Amma, ideally one should marry someone who grew up in Amma and such, Amma said yes , then dheepu came. I told Amma, oh he may get angry if you repeat my opinions. Amma told dheepu, oh he is making lies about you. Amma told me, you have to be able to get the girl. Amma said here people also have to mentally make up their minds when they decide or choose to get married. Amma said I have brought some here. She told me India is different, you guys have more samskara then them, as they eat where ever, movies, etc.. Amma told me you don't know India has become worse. Then I said don't you have your pearls, Amma said of course. 

When I left, I told Amma I got a haircut and then Amma said oh thats the change. She said it looks good, and rubbed my head, as I bent way down in this like way as she said good. When I was in Seattle, amma during devi bhava asked me why I was in a bad mood, are you depressed, and then I said i need this swarupam, and Amma squeezed my cheeks and flattened my face like a pancake  in between her hands. I almost felt like I entered samadhi at that point. This type of experience happened once or twice. I literally felt like I was being carried away. It was such an intense feeling, and then gradually faded away. I could not express that after sometime, it went away. I hope to get that again. When Amma asked me if i did not want to marry. I said i see a difference between lust and love. And lust is not fully controllable, but for me all the love, I received through Amma. I did not get the chance to live with the Guru in this life, guru girih vasu, but I want to reach her, by thinking of her, and that this life should be lived like so. Amma repeated to dheepu, though I doubt he understood, he said oh he speaks well, then Amma said aren't you the lawyer. Dheepu said oh the girls in India may not work out, Amma said you speak from your experience, like reading one book in the library, but can you judge all the other books. 


In Amma's satsang she stressed, that one is born in love, lives in love , and dies in love. 

Amma also told me as I fed her, you are doing these things, but you had better control your habits. Amma had told dheepu he has somehow gotten this habit, how someone so close to Amma could have it. Amma said I have mild  psychosis like daddy, nothing major , but still. Then I researched and found that MMJ can have a bad sustained effect on people who are regular habitual smokers. So I have decided it is best to quit as it may intensify my psychosis to unmanageble degree. She had said it is very small, but still. 

She also told me not to lose this job. I had told Amma I do not wish to work for 10 15 years in this world, as one looses all the beauty of spirtiuality. Amma looked at me with a strong look. She said dont throw away this job. She said work, and then after few years we will see how fit your mind is. 


When one day I was leaving, she asked me where I was going. I said work then dheepu was with me. I said I have to work, he doesnt or something (he took 2 weeks vacay, but still worked remotely), Amma gave dheepu this beaming look. Amma had told madhu, I told you guys you can come any time to ask me, not wait like these people. Amma was talking about how dheepu comes here, next to Amma, and Amma opens the way, but still does not come to speak. 

How grand and subtle are her effects and notices. Indeed as long as the mind continues with great intensity toward Bhagvan, the guru will guide you. You have to work on retaining purity and doing sadhana, the Guru will literally fill the rest of your needs. An active and busy life is a requirement. Lazyiness indulges poor habits that are not aligned with spirtiual practice. 

Malcolm X's verdict on the white liberal was that "when the chips are down, you'll find that as fixed in him as his bone structure is his sometimes unconscious conviction that he's better than anybody black

American troops contributed nearly 25 percent of South Korea’s gross national
product, and the sex industry accounted for over half of the local economies
surrounding military bases


As of 2000, it was estimated that up to
twenty percent of Korean women between the ages of 15 and 29 had been
involved with jobs that served sexual purposes.


After having my body ravaged by
several customers in a row I just get too tired to move my limbs. At times like
that, I need a shot of heroin. […] I can’t help but take the drug in order to keep
myself in working condition’”.74 These young women, who were often coerced or
kidnapped by pimps, primarily served lower class men who could not afford sex
tours or expensive call girls. The average street prostitute charged approximately
50,000-100,000 won, or the equivalent of the cost of “a few beers”

In SANTA FE
6/15/2014--

When I went near Amma , I told Amma I had been in the forest for few days
Amma asked me why I went. And then asked was it to smoke kanjav
and I laughed so did Amma, and i said no,
Amma said I hope the words coming out of your mouth are true, krpa anugrahte- may grace be on it
And then she moved heard toward me.

When I was sitting watching Amma, Amma gestured its ok for me to pull out my legs.
Also did that wave with scrunched fingers.
And then Amma called me during Poornamrita Swami Bhajans
and asked me what I was thinking of.
I was sitting there recalling all my memories in the past with Her and doing my japa intently.
Then Amma asked me if I saw the talk at Stanford. I said yes, I asked why Swamiji was sitting on the groun- I asked why Amma's head representative swami sat , Amma said he does not get the American english as much and Also priya writes even his satsangs. Then I asked why priya did not wear shoes, Amma said you know and i completed the sentence gurotoam. The feeling of the masters method- so in that case they would never wear shoes where Amma is not and particuarly that respect for the Guru. I thought priyas answer were not as good and took too long translation. Her english is also particular to India but still it was good. I did not say these things. Amma gazed at me and grabbed my hand when asking me about it. Amma asked me you are going to be here tomorrow right.

This tide of my love cannot find a receptacle in little
human beings. I want to love where this mighty river of my love can go, the
ocean of love; this rushing tremendous river of my love cannot enter into little
pools, it wants the infinite ocean.

Vol 1 Vivekananda
Story of VILVAMANGALA

Goodbye Drogas.
Goodbye Alcohol.

-- the discussion of the bottle to order, the big, sexy glasses, the delicious aromas, the dark red or pale yellow of the wine as it's decanted and sipped. At the grocery store I sometimes walk down the wine aisle and admire the pretty labels, the great names of the wineries, and sigh a little. It looks good to me -- it just doesn't feel so great.

I will miss those beautiful reds, and Italian spirits and all the lovely herbal tonic wines
But I am now entering the temperance mode of my life.

I am
proud to tell you that we have gathered in our bosom the
purest remnant of the Israelites, who came to Southern India
and took refuge with us in the very year in which their holy
temple was shattered to pieces by Roman tyranny.

Vivekananda