i read somewhere , a person saying that they can't write if they know no one is reading. i think i have the opposite effect. i prefer to keep a large amount of words, my thoughts that i need to pour out , but would rather have no one reading those words. i have a lot of secrets. not intentionally, just the nature of life. i would not call them secrets in the conventional sense, but deep spiritual ones, which i cannot explain to anyone, even if the same blood coursing through - ..

at times i think i have lost my entire sex drive. Over the previous summer i kept a special yoga practice that required absolutely no loss of semen, in any shape or form. I kept it up for 3 months i think. My best. I know, it may seem neurotic. But if you have even done 6 months worth of meditation regularly, you can attest to my feelings. spirituality is not a subjective science. it is systematic, like any science or field. it is totally hardcore. those who are hippies, do not feel that way because they have destroyed the nervous system with drugs. spirituality is one of the hardest fields to make progress in, because a good teacher is impossible to get. I have very sharp opinions on these, because like the few, i have actual substantiative experience. not just random sensations. The secrets of meditation, are known to those who engage in the esoteric art themselves. There is a place you get to so deep, that even in regular hours, you will remember those moments, and wish to return to them.

I cannot say my experience has been the exact way - but it has lead me , into places, out of journeys which I could not imagine.