"Exercise increases the blood supply to your muscles as well as your hair, which stimulates growth," says Jim White, R.D., a spokesperson for the American Dietetic Association. "And the foods we eat for muscle also promote hair health."

Sweet potatoes, green peppers, and bean sprouts

tofu, soymilk, tempeh, and yogurt

Adzuki beans, rice bran, clays that are rich in minerals,

powdered sea vegetables, and powdered herbs such as ginseng are

used as exfoliants (the herbs and vegetables also act as toxin expectorants).

Jojoba oil, Camellia oil,

Aloe Vera, apple cider vinegar, and herbal teas are used to moisturize and oil the skin.

| A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and sticky-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely |
D, Roald.

I am like an artist who must stand close to the canvas to paint, but then take a step back to see what I have painted. Africa has provided my life with that movement. Some things you can only see at a distance. || HM

For the first time..I've noticed some loose hairs..hmm. I will have to call on the power of Ma Kali.

"Government has coddled, accepted, and ignored White-collar crime for too long. It is time the nation woke up and realized that it's not the armed robbers or drug dealers who cause the most economic harm, it's the white collar criminals living in the most expensive homes who have the most impressive resumes who harm us the most. They steal our pensions, bankrupt our companies, and destroy thousands of jobs, ruining countless lives." - Harry Markopolos, Madoff whistleblower

Something beautiful I found

"You say you love rain,

but you open your umbrella

You say you love the sun,

but you find a shadow spot

You say you love the wind.

but you close your windows.

This is why I am afraid,

you say that you love me too."

- W.S.

America's geopolitics regarding China has had bizarre side effects to say the least.

1. America's policy on the Arab spring was most likely all about spreading and showcasing democracy, with China in mind. As well intention as it was, it did not turn out to be a good thing. Today, large parts of the Middle East are in the grip of Islamists.

2. America's decision to withdraw from the Middle East and reposition forces in Asia has led to the end of Pax Americana in the Middle East, an Iran with nuclear capabilities, an Iran-Iraq alliance even (recent news), and bizarrely an Al Qaeda flag flying over the courthouse of Libya (see youtube).

3. America's civilian nuclear deal with India has only spurred Pakistan to expand its nuclear weapons arsenal, probably because Pakistan and India can't seem to trust each other.

America's thing with China may never turn out to be more than posturing and chest thumping. China seems to be interested only in making money.

The rise of Islamists, however, combined with WMDs in the hands of radicals, may actually turn out to be a threat.

See the documentary "Islam: what the West needs to know" (youtube) to understand why Islamic expansionism is dangerous.

A complete and fulfilled life can be wracked with insecurity. A child can be innocent and silly one moment and entirely serious the next. It is our reality that we do not function with singular absolute emotions. Society, however celebrates these absolutes in individuals. This false importance leads me in my desire to express the beauty of contrasts.- Dana Oldfather - ink plates

"The number-one ingredient that I avoid in my diet is processed sugar. The reason: It speeds up the aging process by binding to and eventually weakening the collagen in your skin, which can lead to premature wrinkles and sagging. I eat lots of vegetables and fruits every day—and I steer clear of Twinkies at all costs!"—Ava Shamban, MD, dermatologist and owner of the Laser Institute for Dermatology and Skin care, Santa Monica, Calif.

My dad left for India tonight. Myself, and my mum (mummy) dropped him off at SFO around 8 to 9pm . We had to get some cash out the ATM by Holly st on San Carlos. At the terminal, at Singapore airlines check-in, one of the check-in was seriously 10lb over and the carry on was double the allowed capacity which is a whopping 7lb. So your baby......Anyways, yeah so we took a few minutes or what seemed longer in my frustration or mild laziness, in emptying out some of my dads enormous selection of khakis. Who knows why anyone would need that many. After that, we ran into Madhu's elder brother and family (Manoj); well just his wife, dad, and himself. Wife I think was on the same flight as my dad, or is. They are the same. I suppose, though aged; albeit his dad looks pretty well put together for 71 or so. Only swarna & anu's dad looks positively stunning for 85. You have to remember we are looking at the gauge of mental faculty. Not a clone of brad pitt, aged like wine. Life, is something different. If you listen to the radio, the tv, music, etc etc . people, work, you are always hearing things; some sound good, others not, some down right annoying. But, its all you listening thinking what a great receptacle you are . Absorbing the world. But, your absorption will stop, only so much can you digest, and more importantly where does it leave you with a feeling of satiety. There is a great inner deep silence. And in that silence, the wisdom of God speaks. There from your intuition developed through strenuous labor ; physically, challenging, and mentally taxing. This road is a lonely one, the loneliest you will ever travel. But it gives great freedom. A soul, cast into the net, at last , we are given once more the throttle, only to burn it out in our great haste. If you don't believe, when you age, and get nearer and nearer to death, and more vegetable-like- i.e. your range of motion weakens considerably as compared to your late teens, then you will accept a God. But then it will be too late. The power of physicality is needed. Your youth is your locomotive. Don't waste it children. My Mother's children. Not mine. I too, an infinitely small atom placed in some axis, Great Enchantress, absorb-er, redeemer of souls; now you can see why the Sages love God so intensely; compared with the pain and sorrow of this life, the fulfilling of some many desires, the loss of so many loves, the movement of work, and the journey of the day; beneath all action lies the great wheel of time, pushing forward.

So listen, listen to the deep inner silence. If you can't hear it. Well, maybe your not meant to. Maybe, you aren't trying hard enough. Enough maybe's. One has a beginning. Maybe in the middle. Maybe at the end.

As my dad left, this country for good; what came to my mind, as my mom teary-ed up; was all the memories of life together; we are old now, so we must chug on, work, responsibilities; our youth forever dispossessed. But in all things, there is a beautiful lesson. Worship goes on forever. So many distiilate emotions from those past episodes. All is gone, and forgiven . The great mother takes us on a play , and we go forward. When she calls us, she will make whirlwinds; all else will mean nil. Eyes can only see, the heart can feel, and breathe. But it is a long journey into the cavity of the soul. You might have to close your eyes.

Om Namah Shivaya

"My books piled up before my use

waiting in space where I placed them, they

haven't disappeared, time's left its remnants and qualities

for me to use--my words piled up, my texts, my manuscripts, my loves."

Ginsberg's Transcription of Organ Music

This world's existence is one night long. There's a great lively gathering that night, but some people sleep through it. - Rumi

Not by the studying of scriptural exegesis, logic, planets, maths (nor) philosophy; Not by the

Vedas, Vedånta nor by the Smritis; and not by (anything) verbal; and not by metre,

grammar, poetry (nor) literary ornamentation... The sage’s attainment of the highest reality is

bestowed only from out of the mouth of one’s own guru

The Upanishads states: ‘The guru is the highest Brahman’

She spends hours each day drawing and creating complex word puzzles. Asked why she likes to draw, she replied: “It’s a language, a visual language that can reach people all over the world, even if they don’t speak the same language. Your memories come back, and you get more ideas. It’s a lovely way to share things, and reach people all over the pleasing planet. I love the word ‘planet.’ -Lonni Sue Johnson

The chronicles that follow are experiences with the Satguru - there are no universal application of what said; that said it a journey partook with those who take; how can you explain with just paper.

The first minute a man, lays eye on the Satguru, with sincere longing, know for sure; he will be hollowed out. Such is the Master's promise. The wind blows, the earth sings, and fire overtakes; but the Satguru is beyond, only know to us; her Voice sings clear distantly and in the heart.

While removing his sensory tastes; beginning with the tongue, the sadhak experiences dryness. It is the wallowing up of his previous exhibition. His eyes get tired, and look into their folds. Such is why, a great sadhak has an inverted look. By preserving his tastes, he gets slowly, painfully, the drops of his sweat & effort, an effulgence overtakes him for many years.

His journey is long, it begins as a short walk, only to cascade into mountains and hilltops. The weary, turn back and try to get hold of a little sweet parchment to slake their thirst. They may make it, but not today and our story is only for today.

The others continue, forgetting the ones left off. In his heart, erodes the thundering anger and pain he felt a priori; his heart feels dead, and then suddenly expands. A great smile comes to his lips. The thirst has yielded, God has slowly begun to manifest. The ancients may say that when a light enters a room it takes no time for the darkness to vanish; but in the case of a jiva; he must take nature's pace. God has no hurry, and the Satguru has no ears for the disobedient.

Tied in a jar, hung from the highest branch, a tallest of trees awaits the climber. The strong, the unparalleled, and the jaunting - will make it- those of which who have a relentless passion, will run around at the ground, covered with dirt, last to make the ascent. But they make it too. In their hearts a burning gives them no rest; She is positioning them for great heights.

End of Day 1

“The Chinese consumer is unfamiliar with leisure riding.”

Harley-Davidson CEO Keith Wandell

- Is it a bad thing ? In our race, for global conquest, global economy- does it make any sense ? A life disciplined, is a life desired for, nothing else wanes in comparison. The flower blossoms for the touch of the wind.

Krugman makes a great point here, and the banality of Mr. Jr. Bush;

And the reason S-chip was expanded in 2009 but not earlier was, of course, that former President George W. Bush blocked earlier attempts to cover more children — to the cheers of many on the right. Did I mention that one in six children in Texas lacks health insurance, the second-highest rate in the nation?

--Excerpt from a NYT article ( Is change really great ? I mean, is the globalization, we parade Apple- they are making a spaceship enterprise office near me here, in Cupertino) Do we really want other countries to emualte this type of civilization ?

Ms. Brown said she used to feel as if she were living in a surreal movie. From her window, she could see butchers “in white coats covered in blood, warming their hands over fires in oil cans as pig carcasses are flying by.”

Now she has a view of the Apple store, where lines wind around the block whenever a new gadget is released. “I’m used to seeing some things outside,” she said, “but not white people in sleeping bags.”

Won't you take me home, dancer in the sky?

In December 1991, while at the World Bank, Summers signed a memo that was leaked to the press. Lant Pritchett has claimed authorship of the private memo, which both he and Summers say was intended as sarcasm. The memo stated that "the economic logic behind dumping a load of toxic waste in the lowest wage country is impeccable and we should face up to that . . . I've always thought that under-populated countries in Africa are vastly underpolluted."^[9]

- Lawrence Summers, once President of Harvard, once chief economist at the world bank, once 71st United States Secretary of the Treasury from 1999 to 2001 under President Bill Clinton, once Director of the White House ,United States National Economic Council for President Barack Obama until November 2010.

Perhaps the most tantalizing reason for minimal depression in subsistence farmers is the notion that physical contact with the soil relieves depression. Soil microbes are believed to interact with the immune system in ways that boost neurotransmitters that are deficient in depression (7). This - admittedly strange - idea is supported by ongoing research. - psych today

"Remember that Moses led his people through the desert for 40 years, and that after 20 years people began to complain ... they told Moses that life in the desert was too difficult, and that at least when they were slaves they had food and water and places to sleep. Moses' friends asked him how long he thought people would be complaining like this and he replied, "Until the last person born under slavery has died". Our situation is very similar. The psychological gap between eastern and western Germany will last for at least a generation, or perhaps until the last person born under Communism has passed away.^[1]

-Lothar de Maizière

"Most of Europe's economies ... have been crippled by a combination of supply-side rigidity and monetary inflexibility. Does anyone seriously believe that an interest rate manufactured in Frankfurt will ever be right for Copenhagen, London, Madrid?" So said U.K. Conservative Party leader Ian Smith warning againstjoining EMU in 2003. He was booted from leadership shortly after. The U.K. may want to buy the man a drink.

..obviously the happy man feels good only because the unhappy bear their burden silently, and without that silence happiness would be impossible.

Dearer to us than a host of truths is an exalting illusion
- Pushkin

...And you know that anyone who at least once in his life has caught a perch, or seen blackbirds migrating in fall, when they rush in flocks over the village on clear, cool days, is no longer a townsman, and will be drawn towards freedom till his dying day... Gooseberries- by A.Chekov

All that I am , I have received from the Master. So many whirwinds of change, and yet I find myself elevated and ahead the several steps since I began this journey. I became obsessed with sadhana. Because I was obsessed with Her. I could not have enough; I needed a way to connect. To recharge, to feel that 'high', the electric current of magnamity flowing through every pore of infinite space. She took what I was and made me what I am. Yes, it is my effort, my sweat and tears, but the source of it all is Her. The difference is only, I could not let go of that, my source. Perhaps you were all the smarter and felt independence your longing. But for one like me, with wings battered after lifetimes of neglect, I found in Her my philosophy, my thoughts, my trade, my patterns, my ecstacy , my solace, my hero, my founder, my truth and God. It took so long to dawn, and in infinite approach she took me across. There are no words, what words, I am still parched. The journey is long , tedious, 'no fun to you or I' , in short to be eliminated. For all the times, she stood , in stride, as I gained the current , nay the momentum. They worship that Master with a thousand suns, and a million petas and still their hearts are not full. Love is simple. Do your duty, move forward, and elevate. The only way to elevate is by following schedule. Every man does it to make it so to say. Desire, lust ,anger, greed- these keep us always at bay. At times I felt I was destroyed. How the Mother carried me through! How I sweated and burned those fearful moments! How many times I have fallen ! The future , the dark clouds, I cannot say ! She held me through and I am forever in debt. Perfect one, from the depth of whatever skies, the intense loneliness I felt. The devotees and Her. God is the greatest joy of conversation. My mind has gone numb to everything else; I will die with this intense pain, sharp , longing , which will be the last breath. Master you have taught me everything. That God alone is eternal. That Love is the highest truth. That fearless is the man who takes this path. May I cross all rivers, and make shore through that ocean of darkness!

There are seven kinds of offerings which can be practiced by even those who are not wealthy. The first is the physical offering. This is to offer service by one’s labor. The highest type of this offering is to offer one’s own life as is shown in the following story. The second is the spiritual offering. This is to offer a compassionate heart to others. The third is the offering of eyes. This is to offer a warm glance to others which will give them tranquility. The fourth is the offering of countenance. This is to offer a soft countenance with smile to others. The fifth is the oral offering. This is to offer kind and warm words to others. The sixth is the seat offering. This is to offer one’s seat to others. The seventh is the offering of shelter. This is to let others spend the night at one’s home. These kinds of offering can be practiced by anyone in everyday life.

Will we end up like those who barely skated across the great expanse?
Great Mother, carry us across on your memories we eat away time.

Though in every step I set backwards;

What is love but the meeting of our hands.

A quiet, silent pain enveloping life.

Burning, we walk across, shoot me forth.

Grace is always falling like rain- we just have to be open to receive it -My master.

"I am not able to perform the duty consisting of rituals prescribed in the scriptures since it is beset at every step with complex rites. Much less is my ability to perfom the prescribed duty by the Vedic injunctions leading to the essential path of realization of Brahman. There is no desire in me for knowing and performing dharma. Nor have I any idea about listening to the import of the Vedas from the Guru and relfection upon it. What (object) remains there for me to meditate upon leading to Self-realization ? Oh, my Lord, please forgive me for all these faults and accept me out of Your infinite mercy" -- Aparadha Kshamapana Stotram Adi Shankaracharya

The clouds and the vapours of real landscapes are not the same at the four seasons. In spring they are light and diffused, in summer rich and dense, in autumn scattered and thin, in winter dark and solitary. When such effects can be seen in pictures, the clouds and vapours have an air of life. The mist around the mountains is not the same at the four seasons. The mountains in spring are light and seductive as if smiling: the mountains in summer have a blue-green colour which seems to be spread over them; the mountains in autumn are bright and tidy as if freshly painted; the mountains in winter are sad and tranquil as if sleeping.^[3]

Guo Xi, Master Chinese Painter(c. 1020–c. 1090).

Family Photo on Facebook

I was staring at the photo of my family (sin my dad) , a classic old photo I had scanned in for.. Anyways, its a bit well old and wrinkly par none. But today, I stared at my the eyes everyone. She is the center. That means so many things. Devi, is the bindhu . My mom is central . My sister. It could be like that. But anyways. I notice. Differences and a divine similarity. One. My moms eyes. clear , crisp, inoccently happy. My brothers, round like a fawd luic clear dark and heavy, like a sambhogi . One who enjoys this world and the spiritual ones; but has attained a higher feeling of the truth imbided in the spirit. Yes a learned sadhak with intense concentration on his Guru, can feel the slightest magnitude of shakti in any man, and the strong iron fillings of the divine longing experienced in a soul that is in the process of awakening to the dawn. My brothers eyes here are probably the most shapely. He is more outwardly bent. But tremendously peaceful. Both my moms and brothers are benign. Looking out into - . My moms more directly but still not focused on that - more on That. Like a presence of peace. My brothers are distant in more a direct manner. Further facing but the roundness gives it a very warming presence , like you are entering a garden. My sisters, so dark, very direct- lik a hallow look. Her eyes are the darkest most prominent. As if a spark of god, lights from within, a direct noble look- one of truth defiant of whatever else- They are the darkest and only eyes looking directly at the - besides my own, which are round but also kind of tired and like an old soul lies inside like you can see into and their is mischief in those eyes. I have never really studied my own eyes. When I look at my eyes all I feel is the intense sadness of seperation and how the Master has looked into my eyes. I cannot bare to stare at her eyes when she is staring at me for more than a little longer; a pain of seperation rushses from me, like a gushing river unlocked- and I year to dam that back in quickly in some subtle form of thought like bitting my arm like a dog thinking the blood oozing out is seperate of my own - and then a presence of intense desire manifests to be closer to Her. To feel the magnetism of her flowing white gown, which you can feel even 50 feet away , like a charge of lighting in the deep blue clouds. In my eyes there is a quest and a naughtyness. But there is a comfort and iswara chaitanya, which is present in all our faces very very clearly. My soul and my brothers , are similar but different; quite the same but no, and must move forward to reach God. I must cultivate that within and make it grow and contain it and use it . My sisters is like a bold righteous person, eyes that are strong of God. She will have to put in the effort to rise above the regular state of mankind, into the ever heights of Gods bliss. It seems all my family members are born with a rare blessing from God; an indelectable voracious capacity to feel the presence of the infinte mother, and her love and guidance. Through many lives we are born and die, and for a reason Sri Buddha said we are born with the souls we are in the family bonds we create, and share, and sometimes cling to in death.
Om Namah Shivaya

. A thing done well, with love and devotion, is its own reward. - Sri Bhagavan Ramana Maharshi

I went to see Hide today. (This has nothing to do with the about quote). Although Ramana Maharshi has some very similar ways that are parallel to our own Master. The principle is which comes in the form of the Guru. Anyways- Yes, we were delayed one hour. Those guys at the shop are some funny characters. The two fellas who are apprentice are very cool , laid back young SF tattoo artist guys. Well, that being said... A different world than Little Tokyo in LA. That was the most chill parlor. Jiro is a very cool brother[though he is not Black, he fits quite well into the LA - whichever particular type he adopts unbeknownst to me] and a very passionate artist from what I gather, or a work alcoholic, yes thats right, 'yhes' - addicted , or maybe just socially morbid. But his shop is cool, the man is chill , and the guys who were work with are most chill. Thats the word I would use. And Taka works out of there, well know I am not sure if our relationship soured or not. The road goes forward . The waters wade to its place. So, I enjoyed hanging out with them, and learning culture, and interesting tidbids from Frank; who was always a good laugh. Guess, its a different story up North since I don't know them like that, or as well; and I lived in Little Tokyo for more than five years. We finished up the rooster. Looks like it should. Was a long day, made longer by the delay, and then on top of it what a surprise, and then yes, empty, out to the train station, and then again, its the Giants fans, packed into the caltrain on the 10:40 pm, me on the bike car; two lesbian girls vivaciously defending whatever sports episode - I am not sure, I neither follow sports or listen too much to people. I hear, but dont respond. I've learned over the years to become very still inside a busy place. Like a train full of people loud, some drunk, obviously, or were and gloating in the game- I think the Giants won, and they played the Twins; judging from the fat white woman's jersey and the comment struck on her from a young, pretty girl, though loud and quite vociferous. All these people, many couples, and bikers, - most of the people seem to be well bred stock in SF; not like NY where some guy might shank or a group might pound upon you (should you be any tan color of toast beyond white inside the heart of America as they call it, or the death for us darker folks) wherever burrough you end up riding the A train through. No, here its all verbal games, mild amusements, workers enjoying their sports and getting ready to go home, guys like me tired from a day of work ( and hours of tebori and delays and riding the bike up Pacific to Van-Ness and nearly getting the cramps, oh wait I did, and it hurt, but yes..) I was able to remember myself in the Train, avoid talking though the two lesbians were in ear shot and made for a painful ride. I was not talked to, not let alone really looked at ; but I wasn't hostile, just smiled, and kept eyes low; focused on my beads. There is peace, when you hit the break of the wave; for a moment you glide; like so, after a brief period of sadhana, you build a current of thoughts toward That, and though you may not be paddling, or seem like it, the current is taking you; you are always going to ride, it; until you wish to go slower. But the mother nature of it all, will bring you back and She will hurl you in; and you will start up again. The great being inside your heart awakens from the mantra. A great goddess residing on your tonuge sets fire to your person. The taste of the tongue goes. Pure souls immediately feel a vibrancy without progressing through the orthodox states. I have done the latter. And though initially I had insanely grotesque thoughts, and random random random feelings of life; it has come low; diminishing as the years go on; me unaware I a m climbing this great hill, always, toward Her. Whatever that comes of life is her Grace.

"Before the tribunal of nature a man has no more right to life than a rattlesnake; he has no more right to liberty than any wild beast; his right to pursuit of happiness is nothing but a license to maintain the struggle for existence..."
—William Graham Sumner, "Earth-hunger, and other essays," p. 234.

"To everyone you give only this instruction: 'Find out who you are.' If, after that, they humbly ask for more guidance, you tell them as your final word: 'There is a power which moves you and me and all others. Lay your ego at the feet of that Mother.' "

No Desires, No Sorrow
He who has no desires has no sorrow,But where there is desireThere will be ever-increasing sorrows.When desire, sorrow's sorrow, dies away,Undying bliss prevails, even here on earth.It is the nature of desire never to be fulfilled,But he who utterly gives it up realizesEternal Fulfillment at that very moment.

Retain at heart always the sense of non-duality but never express it in action. My son, the sense of non-duality may apply to the three worlds but it is not to be used towards the Guru."

The first verse of the Sri Dakshinamurti Stotra by Sri Sankaracharya declares the same: "I bow to Sri Dakshinamurti in the form of my Guru; I bow to him by whose Grace the whole world is found to exist entirely in the mind, like a city's image mirrored in a glass, though like a dream, through Maya's power it appears outside; and by whose Grace, again, on the dawn of Knowledge it is perceived as the everlasting and non-dual Self."

The man said, “I called and called But Allah never replied, 'Here I am.'...Abraham explained, “Allah has said, your calling my name is My reply.your longing for Me is My message to you. All your attempts to reach Me are in reality My attempts to reach you. Your fear and love are a noose to catch Me. In the silence surrounding every call of “Allah” waits a thousand replies of “Here I am.” ~ Rumi

We had mistakenly taken out Karthik's mums bag. (on a side note i need to research the possessive use- here- the apostrophe goes where his name or mums - or whose possession am i denoting?) Any who, Dheepu came by the embarcadero station to get it- I had taken it to work for the purpose of handing it off to him while en route to SFO (really not on the way , im more deep into the city by the financial district . Anyways Dheepu was talking about transitioning back into work; I could see the light in his eyes ( maybe the effect from coming from Bhava Darshan). She had apparently yelled at him for using the satsang stories. And fed him a Hershey kiss and asked him to sit by the side. I only consider him in the same group as me since She said so. Nobody else.
-- ABQ
Many nice experiences in ABQ. Malu's poem and the story of that is another epic in itself. I pray all a speedy journey into the arms of the Divine Mother. May all Her children, inanimate and not, receive the grace to recall the countless memories and journey with Her at their side.
Om Namah Shivaya

That was the last stop for me. I left before Devi Bhava, at around 4am from ABQ to Phoneix, back to SF. The weather is warm everywhere. ABQ was nearly 95 F and good lord for Arizona which is an oven. The retreat was quaint, very small, and serenely smooth. The Master seemed to take time with the darshan as it was not a huge crowd. I particularly like the Northwest part of the Tour. Though I rarely have done the East Coast. Everyday there is a new lesson. The Master emphasized having a practice. I have always believe so, though my peers never truly did I think. It is the cornerstone of the love which will guide you back. May we even shake death's grip with her Holy Name. Jai Ma!

The path of the ordinary and the spiritually thirsty; are inclined like two different slopes. One degrades without noticing, while the other climbs without notice. Both are alarmed at the speed, and the destination. What grace ! has fallen upon the firefly's of her Children. May they ever burn bright. As you go further, love will consume you, and a certain affection will reach out of your heart at every step. I have never had great visions, but I feel that now- the overflow - only to harness it , and climb higher. With each peak , comes a new vigor, and dawning to move forward, as there is much to go on this path, much to travel, much to see and experience. God makes creation a delightful play for the sadhak that earnestly surrenders to Her will. Rampage, health, beauty, death, and destruction are all in her , the incomprehensible one, the ever mysterious Mother of the world.

Dheepu will be traveling to NY for the program. I should have booked a ticket when I had the chance. These precious opportunities are like the rain season for the Chatak bird; your only time to drink and appease your thirst.

San Ramon Retreat & Bhava Darshan

This time around, perhaps due to the scheduling and luck of it; the programs were not hugely crowded. Although, it tends to be at times - near Amma, still there was plenty of opportunity. The retreat- Q &A and Amma's bhajan at the end of it- are the highlights. Amma sang Baandhalo, again and had us do the hand gestures with our neighbor. So many glances I stole from Her, the answers were particularly beautiful. I must get them from Meera-Amme. The satsang on Bhava Darshan day was nice too. So many things unravel in the heart. So much clarity after a lifetime of effort. The Master said effort is important and the dawning results come only much, much later. I feel it to be true. So many years I have felt lost doing my sadhana, and now like the brilliant rays , my heart can see small lights shining through- in an instant some things become lucid to me; and a bhajan easily renditions in my mind. How much more , is there to come, how many hurdles I have passed through. Who but the sadhak, can understand the heart of another ?

I realized all my efforts along the path, all mediations; japa, prayer, - all of it helped me to flow and become what I am today; and continue to set seed for the later. I feel the great hand of destiny moving through me slowly. How miraculous is the mantra. The rarest gift from the Satguru is the mantra. Scriptural reading has no point without a basis . Like She said , a regular habit helps unfold tremendous power. At the center , the bindu is love, and from that we create a large tree capable of helping thousands. But, without building up, our selfless efforts will be in vain. Hundreds of lessons She has taught me, through the medium of silence, and intense longing, the sun of knowledge begans to dawn.

When I was in Seattle during the Baandhalo, at one point I felt such a heavy flow come out of me, and I almost could not keep attention on my hands and felt like closing my eyes; at that moment Amma looked over at me. How many hundreds of glances , I have received; everywhere I am. Now, it begins to dawn on me, the real nature of the Guru. It's like the diamond in the market story. I used to get sad that I had no other Sadhak to speak with about my experiences; that I was speaking to a bunch of dummies. Now I know how to come down what it is I have to say and word it with limited-ness. That is, not express it all and speak to the person on their level of understanding. I feel , as if I am on an esclator, slowly ascending. The wings of that great Garuda, carry me over the base desires; although some things don't change, you can gradually drop them as your ability widens and grows firm. When I see her marvelous purity and assurdeness, I feel - this is what it feels like to be in such a presence. What grandeur, I pray her steps never falter, nor her childrens innocent selfless motives to serve the world.

Someone remarked to me how when She leaves, their feeling gets decreased gradually, until it no longer stays fresh. I used to feel the same way, but now, though I may not feel Her nearly as much, I can feel the hot burning of that longing, that choking in the throat, at randomly spaced intervals - my mind shoots up, like a star longing to burst in the blue sky of her arms.

I am coming to LA. She asked me about it, so I said for one day- Saturday. I don't like driving at night, so forget Friday.

"A spiritual aspirant shouldn't waste the opportunity he gets to pray and meditate in complete solitude. These are golden moments when he can delve deep into the inner core. He should utilise such chances to progress spiritually through introversion. We can attain the necessary strength for this only through meditating and repeating our mantra, through the introspection we do in solitude."

http://www.indiadivine.org/audarya/hinduism-forum/422706-foreshadow-ammas-birth.html

Amma had mentioned years ago in Japan: "The effect of humility is wonderful. Even if they do not realize the importance of bowing their heads (the Japanese bow to each other as a way of greeting each other), its goodness is reflected in these people and in this country. These same customs that have been expounded and put into practice by the rishis of yore are highly significant and meaningful. Where such practices are followed and observed, there is bound to be prosperity."

Attachment to the Guru is good in that it helps one to free oneself from all other bondages. One should have a strong relationship with the Guru and ardent love towards Him. Such love is blind and it should be blind in this respect. If love is not blind in the beginning, then it is not love at all. Openness of mind and expansiveness will come through that kind of blind love. This blind love in the beginning enables one to see everything as one's own Self later on. The Guru is not an individual. He is the all-pervading Consciousness, the Supreme Truth. So blind love towards the Guru will lead one to oneness with the Divine Consciousness.

Amritageetananda Swami Talk Matruvani

Many devotees come to Amma and ask, "How can we know whether we are progressing on the spiritual path?" Amma replies, "If you feel compassion towards others arising in your heart, then you can be sure that you are progressing. But if, even after many years of spiritual practice, you don't feel any compassion for all living beings, then you can be sure that you haven't progressed at all."
Once there was a sadhak (spiritual aspirant) who stayed in a small hut at the foot of a mountain. He took a firm vow that he wouldn't eat or drink anything from sunrise to sunset. After some time a beautiful star appeared on the eastern horizon, and he heard a voice say that the star was a symbol of his noble austerities. Sometime later he was walking on the mountain, accompanied by a small boy. It was very hot and the two became extremely thirsty. When they passed a little stream, the sadhak gave the boy a small vessel and told him to drink. The boy filled the cup with fresh water and offered it to the sadhak, but he refused to drink because of his vow.
Seeing this, the boy said that under this condition, he wouldn't drink anything either. Now the sadhak was in a dilemma. He did not want to break his vow, but he also did not want to see the boy suffer because of him. He finally thought, "This boy is extremely tired and thirsty. Let me break my fast for his sake and drink a little water." After he had taken one sip, the boy immediately started drinking.
Later, the man felt a little unhappy for having broken his vow. Hesitatingly, he looked at the eastern horizon to see what had happened to the star. To his surprise, he saw two beautiful stars. This showed that he was really progressing. Through his austerities, he had been able to purify his mind, and as a result, compassion had grown in his heart. That compassion, which is love without attachment, is the sign of progress.

From faith in the scriptures comes fidelity to one's own duty; and by the performance of that duty comes the purification of the heart. There only is the knowledge of the Supreme Self, and by that knowledge comes the destruction of the tree of the world- root & all.

66 Vivekacudamani, Adi Shankacharya

How sweet it is, the Spiritual Master. On my journey, unlike my brothers or sisters- I have ventured it feels so deep over the years. A stream of practice recoils through and uplifts the mind. Now I know, not know, but understand that it is possible to attempt to soar. The highest Love is a path not for the timid, but the strong, like the lion, the gait of power, the will of iron.
Everyday new truths find themselves into the corners of my heart. Everyday you energize and give me life. Without this experience, this relationship, of countless eons, you watched over me, like a mother hen, with excuding lovingness. Now I make my last mark on the world. May it be a life of renunciation, of giving, of scarcity, of kindness, of warmth & gentleness to the whole world- I proclaim Your teachings ! The great principle of life ! May I spread your words through the beating of my heart and the whisper of my soul. Wa Guru ki fateh! Victory to the Mother! Blessed be those who trod on her path and seek salvation ! Who see man as god and worship the downtrodden ! May nothing stop them, may they have infinte strength!
-------------------
When I see your children, and You- it overfills my being. Now I see vasudeva kutbhum- the world family. There is no difference between the bhakta and bhagvan. He who gives you his slightest gesture of love, with what warmth you embrace such devotees! Blessed be their path ! May they never fail ! May they be victorious in life and death! May they never forget you, oh my Govinda !

The homeless go without eating. The elderly go without medicine. The mentally ill go without treatment. Troops go without proper equipment. Veterans go without benefits that were promised to them. Yet we give billions in tax breaks to the wealthiest 2% of Americans -- those who need it least.

. "For once you have tasted flight you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skywards, for there you have been and there you will long to return." (da Vinci)

"If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away." - Henry David Thoreau

My Master

What words can express. I only know that in my country's history this lineage of Guru and Bhaktan continued for eons. The hero's of that nation. When will I return to that soil and give my blood for that Tree, which grows in India's soil. I have made hundreds of mistakes and landed here. Amma said she was happy I got this job. It is like some drug addiction. You cannot get enough of her. Your eyes want to consume her, but tears block your sight, and headaches prevent your utmost concentration on her.

Seattle WA May 27th - May 31st

I told Amma before I left to return to SF for work Tuesday- that during bhava darshan, I do not have words for this pain. The word I used was Virat. I have written perhaps more than a thousand poems. Perhaps more like five times that. But they are lost, or here and there. I don't have anything to write anymore. I want to dive deep into meditation and find my God there. I do not want to speak about it or express it. Let it die in me, and let this I die, so that One can find space within. I had longed to put my head on her shoulder and rest. They say the Mother does not get rest, but that is not true. She is eternally at rest. It is us, in this wheel that keeps churning at her command. I am tired, I want to rest in Her. I want to be close.

WA Programs Summer 2011

Another Start of a New Summer Tour, 2011- May, June, July.

Too many things happened in the Seattle programs. The experiences witnessed with Malu , alone could fill up this post. But I'll leave that for when my mind is more lucid.
But to note however, Malu wrote a poem that Amma really liked and said had the bhava and is now being transformed into bhajan via Swarna or Hari Chettan or both.

I made some food for Amma, much of which sucked except the black quinoa and the baked almonds. Amma said the 25 years of eating sugar has caused her to watch out for it now, and can't take peanuts people said.

Though my love has expanded in my heart, the pain has only increased. Amma again reitereated, the one point I found most important. Continue, take the pain, suffer through it, and expand yourself. I find myself opened to new understandings. Not spiritual heights, but kindness. It is now exuding from my pores. I find myself able to catch the tune of a bhajan immediately now. I think that love has grown deeper, and unfolded itself. Numerous lessons have I learned this time. But the continued effect, of this seperation and longing eat away at my soul. I wonder if with my two eyes I will be able to see Her form, as it appears when you are in her Physical presence. People worry about the masters body. I do not. She is the storehouse of infinte strength. If she fails, then all our worlds fail; so how can it be ? My attitude is that of a small child with its Mother. I cannot protect Her. But it is my duty to do what she asks of me, and propogate her teachings through my actions and thoughts. Love , I now know is the highest truth. Sadhana evolves from it, knowledge is a product of deep , surrendering love. Wherever a great Jnani exists, know that a great wide heart is present. My master, some would say is unparalled. I do not make such claims. If she were a blade of grass , I would have loved her all the same. It is the eternal principle she stands for. How much, I have suffered, how many nights I have meditated, and still, still I find it difficult to pierce her mysterty. Still my mind is covered by anger, lust, and fatigue. Amma, and Vivekananda said the same thing to me- Strength. Have it. It is the most important teaching. Become powerful, adorable, and let that light come out .

The Bay Area housing market is very supply-constrained, which means that house prices rise quickly once housing demand picks up even a little bit. :: Dr.Mark Zandi (UPENN), Chief Economist, Moodys.

" The defining characteristic of crony capitalism is the ability of favored elites to loot with impunity and the failure of regulators to do their jobs" - Commentary William K. Black (Bloomberg).

We have been captured,
brothers. And we labor
to make our getaway, into
the ancient image, into a new

correspondence with ourselves
and our black family. We need magic
now we need the spells, to raise up
return, destroy, and create. What will be

the sacred words?

AB

Lately, I've become acustomed to the way
The ground opens up and envelopes me
Each time I go out to walk the dog.
Or the broad edged silly music the wind
Makes when I run for a bus . . .

Things have come to that.

And now, each night I count the stars,
And each night I get the same number.
And when they will not come to be counted,
I count the holes they leave.

Nobody sings anymore.

And then last night, I tiptoed up
To my daughter's room and heard her
Talking to someone, and when I opened
The door, there was no one there . . .
Only she on her knees, peeking into

Her own clasped hands..

- LRJ
From Preface to a Twenty Volume Suicide Note.

I picked up a book at Goodwill, amongst one other item. A cedar tie rack, for 1.99$. And the same price for this book by Amiri Baraka- Well, more of a reader. Sometimes when you look, and your open you find little things. Grand schemes , in little designs.

Here's one of his poems

'die schwartze Bohemien'

They laught,

and religion was something
he fount in coffee shops, by God.

It's not that I got enything
against cotton, nosiree, by God
It's just that...
Man lookatthatblonde
whewee!
I think they are not treating us like Mr. Lincun said they should
or Mr. Gandhi
For that matter. By God.
ZEN
is a bitch! Like ''Bird'' was,
Cafe Olay
for me, Miss.

...
..
......................
He was by no means illiterate. His style is complex and plain at the same time. Like an excellent use of common language in the hands of a semantics debonaire.
Vous etes de faux Negres- Rimbaud

I think of her often. Sometimes in passing. Sometimes on the train. When I give my attention, She takes it. Or is it I who , go , seeking ?

Passing the hills, the long roads, the iron tracks, it all reminds me. These grassy hills, existed when I naught knew.

What journey am I taking? My eyes close in sleep. Maybe due to exhaustion.

I string together the thoughts of her. They well up in my eyes. My heart puts it to sleep.

I rest now. I think of the details of life. There are so many. When I grow old, I will think of her again. And it is I, whom my heart will put to sleep.

I didn't say what it is I do. I am a junior financial analyst.

I work at a law firm in the financial district zone(ish) area of SF. It is okay. A job. A paying job.
I didn't mention it before, or yet did I ? I started March 30, no 31st I think . Thursday.


But I fear the lack of social life, I've had- or have- whichever use, in either case dwindling fast and into nothingness.

When you hear the same person daily talk about the same things after time it gets dull.

Words escape me at the last minute. Like a slippery, butterfinger thief. I can never get a hold of the words. Little bugs in the corners. Hard to see, without glasses; its all a blur. Isn't life?


A moment. A series of them. Years, and years. Compounded, layered peanut brittled if you will.

I visited . well the last post didn't go through. And I rarely remember as I write, because its an emptying process. I hate spelling. I wish some monkey could read what I'm thinking and just dash it out and alter as I read his stuff on the monitor. That would really excel and improve my capabilities at writing and thinking. Out loud is good. Thinking out loud that is. Anyways I visited Shinji in SF.

I did not make it to second rounds with Google for the Compensation Analyst. I botched the interview with Rutberg, the Investment Associate position for their IB department in SF. Friday is , Callan Associates- a Performance Analyst position. I'm liking this font, as I write.

I need a new book. I've got a bunch on finance, corporate valuation, and shit. And I still failed miserably at the phone interviews. What was it I wrote before that was good, before it disappeared and I'm sitting here writing again- the same post- now its totally different. - but anyways, -- yes - Good experience makes you learn hard. Its a tough one.

Hopefully , I land something. I've applied to Stanford for some intermediary positions. Something. Madhu was in Orleans' , now in Virginia. He had food poisoning.

I've somehow got sick. Rarely do I write about personal stuff.
Oh Yeah , Kosuge Yamagishi- he has a clothing line, Soft Machine- some sweet pieces; mostly targeted at a certain group. I've always wanted to create t-shirts. I just hate what I can't ever get. His stuff is expensive, but hey, the Japanese, what did you expect; Quality= Cost. Never go wrong , I suppose. I like his style. Mine is different- what I am imagining, a bigger audience. But not the douche bags- particularly the white boys. No offense.

But, I will stick to the foods, lotions, & soaps for now. Like my backhand. After I get an income going, the capital will be there for me to start. There is a college somewhere near by, that offers instruction as far as making your own jeans and stuff. I think denim is a good medium. I prefer slacks but they are dangerous for unannounced missions.

Besides feeling miserable, and drinking some SleepyTime Tea, now that my ginseng flower stuff has run out, (American products are such rubbish!).

My dream is to, also cultivate all the food I will need in and on my house- literally. I experimented with a mint plant- Chocolate Mint- on my roof- its surviving. Pollution is a problem. And the other method of planting my house has adopted- which has circulated these annoying flies. Anyways , I plan to start a herb garden on the roof - in Spring (next three to four weeks)- Rosemary, Lemongrass, Sage, Thyme, and Basil. The quatro formaggio for me.

Bah Oui. (Thats how I always hear it, duh.)

There will be new concoctions. Secretive. I didn't realize people actually read what I write. Well, sometimes that is.

I read a horrible story of a pioneer of Rosemary. I admire such people. Gardens, Plants, water, trees, nutrition, people- those are the things my mind flows towards. With my money, I would like to create some new projects- first to run some income stream so I can live, second, to make some grooves in my lifetime, give the art of my life in the way I have interpreted the Master.

Time to kick into gear for Yoga, and some biking. I may venture to Santa Cruz. Mountain View is beautiful, but too many folks. I want seclusion, well as much as I can get without worrying of some crazy white fellow attacking me for no reason.

I plan to write a book on Horitoshi Family and my experience with them too, in a few years; after I've got all my stuff done- I want particularly, specially from one person- Horitoku- a white dragon and his signature peonies- or whichever flower- sakura, kiku, water lily, no matter and before its too late, he's old. His style is unique and strong. Semblance to Horitoshi- but different too. I like it , a lot. I wish to brush up on my Japanese with that Rosetta Stone Madhu has, apparently the entire DVD of languages. I'll incorporate what my Master said about religion, spirituality, and life- and my feelings from meditation and Vivekananda's words too- His words ring in my heart like a deep fire. They pour oblations to the great Mother. The same Mother he worshiped. The same Truth for centuries, all wise sages before my time, worshipped. The same holy ground She walked , walks, and will walk, for the cycle of life is eternal. Hindu Philosophy can only be understood if coupled with meditation. Meditation is a deep word. That great Being described it- I cannot understand her words, for me , she came in the stream of my thoughts, the buzzing, of my inner sanctum, whispered in my efforts to keep silence. Great things come from that silence, the wisdom of the ages, draws in, like magnet pulling iron. The force of God is so great. It is not the Mahatma, that matters. The principle must be understood.

I feel I have come a long way, but the journey has only begun. Life is a long journey, with no end. Death is but the beginning, in it we flower. So says, the Great Ones, my Great One. The wisdom of the sages ring in my hear, as life continually progresses, the depth of my eyes grows too, I hope I continue to unfold with Her grace. Without building a foundation early, we will never move forward. Then time cheats us. But if built correct, with guidance and humility, in old age we will welcome the great Master, the Heart's champion, once more into the deep corridor , the longing entry passage, of the Heart- where we have cherished the desire for Her to walk. That only that great Love which like a spring , bursts in its current and removes us far away , to never return, to cease the endless plays, to make one final exit of the drama of life and death.

Great harbringer ! They say in her anger, is an explosion. So said a wise Sage. The explosion of infinite conciousness. That's what he said. And I finally made understanding of it today. My life is dedicated to that purpose, to unlocking the secrets of life. Whatever quest, I take, that is the very end, the last breath, to sink , into the bottomless pit. Vivekanada was a lion, me more of a mousy bug. He never compromised, not in the weak way- out of selfishness- but the heroic way- he stood his beliefs to the end. What a man! What a master he must of had ! What love must of penetrated his skull and convinced the very fiber of his blood to flow in which direction! And what a Mother he worshipped ! If even Men, Sages like him, fail to break her silence, how will I , a tiny vessel , welcome such electric current.

But I understood it. In her great anger, is the dissolution. The end. It is not really then end. It is an awakening. An uproar. That is the end for you. It is the channeling, the current from which pure light enters your heart. So you should pray, may your fury have no mercy for me, Wild Creature of the Night !, Goddess of the Soul! Purpreator of my Heart ! Crazy denzien of the conscious Truth! Slice from the limbs, the terrible act of murder, end this I, so there is only You left. Only You, and not me. You.

The ocean is used as a metaphor to God. It does not actually represent Her. What can represnt that which is Beyond ? We use our minds to decorate around so me may make a form and then transcend it with our growth. So even those who study Vedanata, are wasting their time. Those are not the true conceptions of God. No man can write. It is felt. A grand experience, throughout living . Everything else is a failed attempt. But Vivekananda, would never accept defeat. Never fail his faith. When asked would he doubt, would he doubt if - his Master was seen in a room - making it with a sullen woman. He said, what did he say, that lion of a being. - that he would question his very eye- in its sight before he questioned his master. Ah, what love, what premam, what affection for the soul- the kindred one, who would be responsible for awakening that Titan. And only once , once, he spoke of his Master. But he failed too. Or so he felt. That is deeply touching to me. Do you know what great love is like ? You only read it. Or express it with your Husband or Wife. But a real great love. It is never spoken. Words pollute it. We whine, in front of the Master for her affection, like a begging dog. But a great love is humble, yes, but it is deep. Quiet. And never loud to voice its concern for being loved. It is love. That great depth , is felt and reserved for big tankers, carrying many souls. But I know what they must be like. Vivekananda was love flowing, always. He said He was a Jnani on the outside, but a Bhakta on the inside, while His Master was a Bhakta on the outside, but a Jnani on the inside.

His words cannot be understood in a lifetime. Love such as that. To never be spoken of. How much his Master loved him. And how much he treasured that love. It would awaken the Titan in him, the Great Sage who saw no fear, who wore a turban (not out of religion) but to encompass all India - when he went abroad. India has forgotten the light of her Children. The great ones who descend in human form, to awaken the masses. It shows little respect for the present day.

Great Masters are standing for a Principle, which must be understood. And followed. Otherwise disaster arrives. Like the case of Buddha. Sages in India would disagree with the forms of worship that are prevalent and thought or mistaken to be true Buddhist philosophy. The Indian Buddha, Gautama Siddharata- pronounced a different mentality than that which Asia has twisted and perverted into differents sects and cryptic language. Buddha never asked to be worshipped, himself, he specifically forbode his followers from doing so. Yet, what do we see. Statues all over Asia. Man mistakes the being for the Principle, without first studying the Principle first, and himself merging into that, and then worshipping that Being as one Self.

the Poetry of D.H. Rumsfeld, The Unknown:

As we know,
There are known knowns.
There are things we know we know.
We also know
There are known unknowns.
That is to say
We know there are some things
We do not know.
But there are also unknown unknowns,
The ones we don't know
We don't know.

"The soul that still yesterday wept is quiet -- it's exile suspended
a country without art only nature
Memory magnolia pure so far off

I am blind
and made from a bit of earth
But your gaze never leaves me
And your angel keeps me."

I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.

The expert at the card table can laugh at lady luck and defy chance..Winning is not his sole delight. There is but one pleasure in life greater than winning, that is making the hazard.

-- Sw. Erdnase 1902

“The unreal is more powerful than the real. Because nothing is as perfect as you can imagine it. Because its only intangible ideas, concepts, beliefs, fantasies that last. Stone crumbles. Wood rots. People, well, they die. But things as fragile as a thought, a dream, a legend, they can go on and on. If you can change the way people think. The way they see themselves. The way they see the world. You can change the way people live their lives. That’s the only lasting thing you can create.”

- Chuck Palahnuik

While sipping my tea, and ---- xxx--- I was thinking to myself...

The internet does not make you a less lonely place, it only stretches that lazy, willingness part of you due to IT- being lonely.

I saw some good movies. With Vanessa paradais . I think I mis-spelled her name.

There are no more rooms for poets, its on to the rat race.

No idyll moments spent around,

Here's a poem.

Put out that joint, Son.

Go on now.

The Church Bell rings.

Satan is calling in that toke.

The Temple worship stops.

The night turns the sky black.

Except for the crescent moon.

---

Two things.

Whatever, lasts.

on my last day of being tattooed in the studio, as I lay down, like the same for the past several days, and after --------xxxxx----------, as the usual , I felt a suffocating feeling in my chest,

an uneasiness that wanted me to tear out, run and just feel my push into the free air , void of walls. Maybe the hours had caught up, my mind drifting elsewhere, while cells died of second hand smoke probably. I close my eyes when I feel a new circumstance, and the pounding inside comes.

(what i failed to mention before was that my artist was putting the needle in, while my body started to make slight adjustments to the pain, which was noticed, and the feeling in my eyes like i'd pour out like sand .

Brightscope is a great site to check out your 401(k) company portfolio and see how it pairs up with the others.